Learning that our feelings are normal provides us with an opportunity to heal. No one is immune from stress, fatigue, an inner voice or accumulation of tragedies as we grow - we all lose people we love, we all have fallible mind and body.
If you are feeling at a low ebb, you’re not alone.
What we need are micro moments of nurturing dotted throughout our days. See self care as a way of nourishing yourself, rebuilding your energy stores so that you could weather and heal from the storm of stress you are in.
It’s not going to remove your pain, but it’s going to give you the ability to cope better and carry on.
"If you are feeling at a low ebb, you’re not alone."
Often, during periods of stress, loss and change, self care gets dropped from the agenda, but this is precisely when we need it the most. We label self care as “too hard”, “selfish”, or an “indulgence”.
For those that feel it is selfish, take a moment to consider what would happen to people around you if you fell over. What kind of burden would you place on them if you’re unable to keep fulfilling your roles?
If you can’t engage in self care for yourself, then do it for people around you. If it helps you, think self care not as “me first” but, “me as well”.
Stress isn’t going to go away, so rather than stress management, we should focus on energy management. Energy management “neutralise” rather than manage stress. Self care is the way we top up our energetic bank balance, and we are aiming for daily micro moments of nourishments.
Self care in its simplest definition is nourishment for your head, heart and body. Self care boosts our resilience and protects us from burnout and future stresses. We need self care to help us cope with and heal from stress, loss and changes. Self care isn’t selfish.
"Think self care not as “me first” but, “me as well”."
If you don’t nourish yourself, it is very hard to tend well to those in your care. Common perceived barriers to self care include feelings of guilt and feeling that there isn’t enough time or energy for it.
When you take time to relax and do things that restore your energy, you’re much healthier. The healthier and happier you are, the more positive things are in your life. Engaging in self care gives you the opportunity to be the person you aspire to be.
Self-care isn’t selfish, it isn’t done with an intention to harm others.
If someone is being self-serving, there’s an underlying negative intent. Being selfish means there’s a desire to take from others, whereas self-care is about replenishing your own resources, not taking from someone else’s.
If you’re selfish, you aren’t the kind of person who gives to others, or of yourself. When you have a ‘me, me, me’ mentality, you’re focused on what something can do for you, and you alone.
Alternatively, self-care involves setting healthy boundaries so you don’t give away all your personal energy, taking care of everyone other than yourself. In the end, you have more to give, which is the opposite of selfish.
Selfishness excludes others, whereas self-care does not. It may feel like you’re being selfish when you start saying no to things that deplete your energy, but it’s not.
Don’t allow the way other people feel determine what you do for you and your health. People tend to feel left out or abandoned when you don’t do everything they want, but that’s something they have to learn to deal with.
What’s selfish is, thinking that we are put here to cater to the needs of everyone in our lives, other than ourselves. Self-care is just as critical as drinking water and eating food.
And no, taking an occasional trip to the store, or getting to go to the bathroom alone aren’t self-care. Really take the time to figure out what you need and get to it. Your health and your relationships depend on it.
Self-care isn’t selfish and it’s not superficial. It’s about protecting your mental health and fostering sustainability. Self-care isn't a one size fits all strategy. Your self-care plan will need to be customized to your needs and what is currently going on in your life.
It needs to be something created by you, for you. Customizing your own self-care plan can act as a preventative measure to make sure that you don't get overwhelmed, overstressed, and burned out.
"Self-care isn't a one size fits all strategy."
Assess which areas of your life need some more attention and self-care. And reassess your life often. As your situation changes, your self-care needs are likely to shift too.
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