Have you ever felt depleted emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted; like you had nothing left to give? At that point, your cup is empty.
To fill your cup means to replenish those stores of mental, emotional, and physical energy. It means that you need to stop and recharge your batteries.
Many of us understand that we need to fill our cup, but we somehow we don’t. Some of that comes down to the guilt that surrounds self-care. There’s a pervasive idea that it feels selfish or indulgent, or that you’re ignoring your responsibilities. It’s not, by the way – you are important too and you need to give yourself permission to decompress and have fun! Self care isn’t selfish. Another reason is time. When trying to take care of your ever-mounting list of priorities, self-care often falls to the bottom.
"Your white space is an appointment – with you, from you, and for you."
Filling your cup is creating white space. No, it’s not a blank canvas or a blank word document. White space in this context refers to the places in your life or in your day where you pause. It’s the empty spot on your calendar. It’s the spot that you take your “me time.” White space is the time in your day that’s dedicated to filling your cup. Like the metaphor it calls to mind, it’s blank time that you can choose to do whatever you want with yourself. This is not an empty time period to schedule one more obligation or appointment. Your white space is an appointment – with you, from you, and for you.
"Self care isn't selfish."
To me, filling your cup is self-care. There are many ways to care for yourself. It’s not all bubble baths and scented candles and “boujie stuff” either. Guys need self-care as much as women. Hobbies are a great way to practice self-care, or you can write or journal, sip tea and watch the sunset (or sunrise). I also love to take a walk and enjoy being outside. There are many, many ways to fill your cup, and you may do something different every time. Pick something that appeals to you.
Love, energy, compassion, gratitude, kindness, empathy, are concepts that humans can give and receive limitlessly. But there is a secret, to give to others, you first need to fill yourself up. So, as I embark on this journey of filling my cup, I invite you to join me in some self-exploration. In this post, I will outline ways I discover self-care and self-appreciation and the little changes I swiftly implement. The key is consistent self-reflection, whereby, I pose the questions below to myself. Who is better able to tell me what I’m are feeling and what I need than myself?
Here are some questions I regularly ask myself:
Am I feeling tired?
Am I having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep?
Has my appetite gone up or down?
Do I feel irritated?
Does my work feel more like a burden lately?
Am I procrastinating?
Do I feel like I am not making a difference?
Do I quickly get bored lately?
Is my body feeling achy?
Am I avoiding people or places?
A great way to start and to determine the status of your cup is by asking your self some simple questions, here are some suggestions on how to approach that:
Check in with yourself regularly – Be mindful
How full is your cup? Are you running on empty or are you overflowing with fullness and able to give out from that overflow? Although giving is great, we can only give out to others when our cup is not running dry.
What are you doing for you? And double check that what you’re doing for you is filling you and not draining you too because that can catch us out. Which activities/tasks that you have to do tire you the most? Can you do any of them less or find something to do afterwards that would reenergise and refill your cup?
Keep connected – and be honest
Who are you surrounding yourself with? I recently came across a quote online “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” and it got me thinking. And to think of it, this is incredibly accurate in our lives today. If we live with people who deceive or lie to us, we will struggle to trust; if we live with people who encourage love and support us, we are much more likely to thrive.
How do you personally like to connect? That’s equally very important to notice where things can drain us or fill us. Take a second to think what kind of social environments you find helpful, enjoyable and even the ones that you find tiring.
Set goals and keep learning
What do you like to do – what fills your cup? Do you have a hobby that you like to work on? This could be arts and crafts, a skill, a language, and so many other things. The choice is yours, whatever that floats your boat. Setting aside specific time to focus on what fills your cup can be so beneficial to your mental health, it helps you remember that you are important and helps you to remember and sparks joy in your life even if and even things seem dark.
Having something to focus on or aim towards can be a really helpful step to bring some hope and passion back into the things you love and helps to keep our mind focussed amongst the craziness that life can be.
Keep active – mentally and physically
This one is pretty self-explanatory but keeping active is great for your physical health and your mental health and they often go hand in hand. A fun fact about exercising is that it improves brain performance. Cardiovascular exercise helps create new brain cells. This enhances brainpower and brain activity. And it also helps us to feel happier!
So how do you start filling your cup so that you can love others better? Here are a number of ways that I personally vouch on when it comes to filling/refilling my cup.
Positive self-talk
When negativity comes to play, it can make for a crummy day – only if you let it. A lot of us don’t actually realise just how much negative chatter is going on inside our brains, even as we speak! The problem is, a lot of us listen to this chatter and internalise it as truth. Change that self-talk by first being aware of the chatter in the first place, or you could also call it as your inner voice. You can find and train your inner voice and use it as something positive. What are you saying to yourself on a daily basis? What do you tell yourself when you succeed? When you make a mistake? Head on to the article on finding your inner voice for in depth discussion.
If you notice that you’re telling yourself some ugly things, it’s about time for that to change. Start with your successes. At the end of each day, reflect on your accomplishments and the hard work it took to get there. Don’t forget to give yourself credit on the things you’ve accomplished no matter how big or small.
Practice gratitude
There are bad things that can happen in the world and in your life, and there’s no getting around that. A big part of filling your cup is redirecting your energy towards constructive mindsets versus destructive mindsets. Instead of draining yourself by dwelling on the negatives, you have the choice to reach a more energised and positive state of being that trickles down to the rest of your life.
It’s not that you’re ignoring the negatives, either. With a grateful mindset, you become more quick to realise your true capabilities to deal with problems, and that those problems aren’t so bad when put into perspective.
Practising gratitude doesn’t have to be difficult nor complicated. You can take five minutes during your morning walk to go over everything in your life that you’re grateful for in that moment. If you meditate or journal, use a session to meditate on your gratitude, or write about something great that happened recently.
If you’re not sure what to be grateful for, start with something more general like “I have a loving family” or “I have a working car to get around”. Start simple and work your way up. Then you’ll find yourself booming with blessings!
Without clear boundaries in life, you are vulnerable to burnout simply because you’re less likely to realise that you are being overextended. By taking the time to solidify your boundaries and stick to them, you demonstrate to others that you respect your time and space and that they should too.
Boundary setting can include big-picture emotional boundaries, such as surrounding yourself with positive relationships and people that support your life mission, and distancing yourself from toxic individuals who do not want you to pursue happiness.
If you’re having difficulty determining your boundaries, journaling or seeking professional counsel can be a great way to start that process of self-discovery and put you on the right path for living your best life.
Self-care is also included here, whether that’s a mani/pedi, massage, me time, exercise, etc. Self care also doesn’t have to be fancy. I cannot stress this enough and I talk about this in almost every post, self care can be of the most basic of things like getting adequate rest and sleep by practising sleep hygiene for example, things you don’t have to spend money on. Make it clear, to yourself and others, that those two hours are blocked out just for you! There is nothing wrong with taking that time to refresh yourself, especially when you come out the other end revitalised and ready to roll and take on the world!
There is a tool called Eisemhower Matrix, the Urgent-Important Matrix, which helps to make decisions on tasks based on urgency and importance and sort out less urgent and essential tasks that may help you.
Practice mindfulness
Two-minute mindful breaks every couple of hours are my go-to strategy. I also ensure to engage in a daily activity using mindfulness and grounding. Examples include washing the dishes, taking a walk, eating or drinking. Simple being present doing one thing only using my five senses.
There are also a number of fun mobile applications that you can play around with for this, I have a bunch of them, all with interactive and adorable features. Some app allows you to grow plants for example and in order for you to water the plants twice a day, you have to make short entries on your mood or things you are grateful for. While others may allow you to unlock certain features when you do a mindfulness exercise. You just have to find the one that works for you. This innovation is quite useful to keep you in track and help you persevere.
Ask for support
I am used to carrying my load on my shoulders. I, therefore, find this aspect difficult; however, I now consider it an essential part of life. I have created a list of people I can lean on. I made sure my husband and family know what they are responsible for. And if no one is around, there is still support one can turn too, I have listed a number of support hotlines for you to go too at the end of this article too.
Practice self-compassion
Over the years of being a people pleaser, I have learned that I have to allow myself to meet my own needs. As for years, I’ve been ingrained to do for and not to receive. Statements such as “I’m here for you, I know you’re stressed, it’s okay you’re trying your best” have become routine.
I remind myself of the small treats; treat myself to a nice lunch or dessert, hang out with my loved one or buy my self flowers. The key is to learn to respond to yourself in a manner that you would respond to a friend who is struggling.
Spend time in nature
I’m a nature lover, but not so much someone who likes extreme outdoor activities, i’m an introvert that gets fuelled in silence. Being present in nature is indeed, healing. We are forced to use our senses as we get bombarded with the colours of flowers and leaves, the smell of the earth, the sound of birds chirping all bring to life our senses and allows us to feel whole. I ensure brief five minute walks in the park, a drive by the water, staring into the night sky make whole lot of differences to you mood.
Unplug from social media and technology, social detox
Unplugging does not equal to cutting off from social connections. Quite the opposite, the goal is to detox from constantly checking my devices; laptops, phones, iPad for randomness. I instead carve out a set time in the day to connect with meaningful people. After which, I set up a devices free zone in my home, put it on airplane mode or silence groups that are overactive.
To help you to visualise self care ideas on how to fill your cup better, I’ve made a suggestion list of things that you can do:
Do a hobby that you love; art, photography, shopping, watch movies, dance
Try new hobby
Go for a walk
Go hiking
Call a friend/catch up with loved ones
Call your mom
Read for pleasure
Watch tv
Play a video game
Draw or paint
Sit outside
Do yoga/pilates
Go fishing
Try a restaurant you have never tried before
Take a long hot bath or shower
Put on makeup, even if you plan to stay home, male yourself feel good and pretty
Watch a movie
Play a card/board game
Look up something you are curious about
Watch youtube
Read the newspaper/blog/fashion pages
Go to mosque/church/temple/other religious centres
Give someone a hug
Order dessert/bake your own dessert
Gardening
Plant flowers
Go camping/glamping
Take a bike ride
Take a nap/sleep in
Cook a nice meal
You have to realise that you should be a priority. I know we can’t make everything a priority or it defeats the whole idea of priorities, but you can’t take care of others unless you take care of yourself. Always keep this in mind, if I don’t take time to take care of my health, which includes my mental, emotional, and physical health, what would happen to my family? Taking care of me IS taking care of them.
"You have to realise that you should be a priority."
Life is messy. It’s demanding at times, and sometimes, it’s just downright hard! It’s ok to not be perfect and not have it all together. Remember to stop comparing yourself to others because there’s a lot that you don’t see. No one’s life is social media perfect. That’s just a highlight reel for the good things. No one will share the ugly messy part of their lives and those are the things that they’re constantly battling/struggling with. Although you shouldn’t compare yourself with others, it’s also of utmost importance that you remember that you’re not alone. Don’t be afraid to seek and ask for help. There will always be someone out there who will be of help, someone who understands what you’re going through.
Remember this: you are loved, you are special, and no one in the world can take your place. You need to take care of you in order to take care of everyone else in your life.
I know that you are busy loving and taking care of the other people in your life, but remember to take some time to fill your own cup as well. Share some of that love with yourself.
So with all these being said, how full is your cup, do you need to recharge better and what/how are you going to do it? No one can make these decisions for you, it’s totally up to you how you choose to recharge, because you know yourself better than anyone else. Always make time for yourself! Take yourself on dates if you will. Remember you are important and that your mind and body is valuable and so precious, please take care!
Here's a piece of my art that I created about "Fill Your Cup".
"Remplis Ta Tasse"
Currently owned by dgnrenaissance
"You have to take care of yourself first,
Before you can help anyone else,
You can’t pour from an empty cup,
Your cup is empty because you poured out more than you poured in,
Love yourself first, and then love others with all your heart,
Kindness and humbleness give you a quick recovery.
If you can’t say “I love myself humbly”,
Then you can’t love others genuinely.
Self love isn’t selfish nor it is vain,
Self love is the foundation which will sustain.
Fill your cup first with
Sprinkle of joy
Dash of love
Sprig of support
Spoonful of compassion
Pinch of patience.
If I care for me, then I can care for you.
I can teach you how to better care for yourself. I
f you care for you, then you can teach others how to treat you.
If you care for you, then you give others permission to care for themselves.
If others care for themselves, then they start to care for each other.
It all starts with self-care."
At any point where you feel too overwhelmed, or when you feel like it’s impossible to refill your cup, don’t be afraid to ask for help.
If you or someone you know feels overwhelmed, has thoughts of death or suicide or self harm, having difficulties coping, or simply in need of someone to talk to, you can call Mental Health Psychosocial Support Service (03-2935 9935 or 014-322 3392) Talian Kasih (15999 or WhatsApp 019-261 5999), Befrienders Kuala Lumpur (03- 7627 2979) or contact a medical professional, loved one, friend, or your hospital emergency room immediately.
